This time again

So it's Christmastime again...
Its been six years since my mom has been gone but Christmas without her still hurts.
After my mom died in August my father and I were cleaning up their apartment a little. Inside a closet I found wrapped presents to me, my father and sister and her boys. She knew she wasn't going to make it to another Christmas and didn't want us to go without, because she was always thinking of us, so she did her shopping and even her wrapping.
It was really heartbreaking and heartwarming to find those presents. My sister didn't even open hers at the time, she needed to cherish that last gift. That was my mother. Always thinking of everyone else, always wanting everyone else to be happy at Christmas.
Last night Lexi was looking at a picture of myself and my mom and dad. When she got to my mom and said who that mommy, I said Memere. She said Hi Memere!
It completely broke my heart.

A Peanut Butter Thought for the Day

When I arrived at work this morning and sat at my desk, I noticed a small perfectly shaped peanut butter hand print on my left knee. The girl must have rested her hand on my leg as she was giving me good bye kisses this morning.

My boss in her office over heard me telling a co-worker about it, and she said. Cherish the peanut butter now, when you get to be my age you'll be yearning for a little peanut butter hand print.

Three Blind Mice

This morning at 2am I laid my sweet little sleeping boy down in his crib for the second time. Then out of no where my delirous sleep deprived mind started with...

Three blind mice, three blind mice, she how they run, see how they run.

Then it occured to me. That is just not a nice song for little ones... it goes on

They all run after the farmers wife, she cut of their tails with a carving knife... three blind mice.

Huh. Just an observation.

My favorite holiday

Has always been Halloween. Today at work we decorated our office area. There are spiders hanging from the ceiling and cobwebs all over our desks. Looks kind of spooky. I'm really excited this year because we're going to take Lexi trick-or-treating. Not in the traditional neighborhood, but in the neighborhood at the nursing home I work for. It will be really nice because it will be inside, so no dealing with the weather and the dark. We'll visit the residents and that will make it more like home for them. Older people love kids, well most do anyway in my experience and they always ooh and ahh over babies. This will be Lexi's first Halloween experience. Luke's too but he won't be getting any candy. Lexi is going to be a witch. She will of course be the most beautiful witch you've ever seen. She actually let me put her costume on her the other day and she loved it. Keep your fingers crossed that she doesn't freak out when we get there on Friday.

All the love in the world

Does not make me a good mother. We all have moments or days like that right? I feel like no matter how much love I give my children that alone doesn't make me a good mother. That is the truth really. To be a good mother you must instill values, show respect, have patience ect.
I guess I'm lacking the patients department quite a bit.
I've been on vacation for half of the week (yes just half) and I can't friggin wait until Monday! Seriously I don't know how you stay at home moms do it, I just could not. I love my babies so very much but my God I'm pulling my hair out.
The toddler has been a little kling on this weekend. I love that she loves me but girl you've got two feet get down and use them. The baby is also more than charming this weekend. He had shots on Thursday and I think he's got a bit of a cold, oh and he may possibly be teething.
Having them so close together I think is really really trying, yet I am sure that if they were further apart it would still be trying, just with different issues.
I've been really sad lately. The baby chapter in my life has come to a close. The hubs had the big V and we wont be having anymore children. While that is good, because five is a whole hell of a lot, it is still very sad to me. Sad to think that I'll never be pregnant again. I'm one of those fools who really enjoyed my pregnancies along with the labor. Yes you read that right I enjoyed labor and delivery. I'll never have that sleeply little newborn to hold and cuddle again. I'll never hear the first words, or the happy toddler chit chat, or the way they sound when then run full throttle though the house. Then reality slaps me in the face with a day like today, and thank GOD I'm not having anymore babies.
There is always grandchildren....

Autumn in the Backyard

Lexi actually likes the leaves this year. She had a blast playing with her big sibs.

My Name is Mommy

Yep, I'm someones Mommy, two someones actually. Yes my daughter is almost two but sometimes it still amazes me.
I've graduated from Mama to Mommy. Sometimes I kind of miss hearing Mama, but her voice is just so sweet when she says Mommy. Although we've really gotta stop watching Caillou because I think she's mimicking him and its annoying as hell. She can make herself sound just like him. Have you ever noticed how whiney this little cartoon kid is? I hate it!
All day long I hear, No Mommy, No Mommy. Mommy look... mommy mommy mommy.
Yes sweatpea, I love you, and I love being your Mommy but I'm so tired of hearing No Mommy.
I'm always referring to myself in the third person when I'm speaking to her. I'm not really sure why this happens but I know everyone does it.
"No honey, Mommy said don't do that."
"Mommy doesn't like that"
Sometimes I get so wrapped up in being mommy I forget I have another name.
One of these days I'm going to answer the phone at work, "Mommy speaking, how may I help you."